“You know, I have never felt that security, that feeling when you are being taken care of, being taken aback with sweet and lovely surprises…” and her voice trails off, “from the one you love or expect to be loved”…
With each blobbing sound that the pebbles are making when she is dropping them, a little wistfully, in the quiet lake below the rock she is sitting on, Naina cannot help thinking that those pebbles are drowning themselves under the weight of each single wish that she is carrying in her heart. Carrying, in silence, and burying forever.
“So? You are going to change all that? Ain’t you?”
Naina couldn’t hear any assurance from him, in word; just a hand on her shoulder drawing her close to him and she breathes life. Her eyes, she feels, suddenly heavy, scared to look at him, in fear of breaking the feathery softness of the moment; a moment that symbolizes the triumph of all the good things that human emotion has ever offered.
And suddenly she starts! With a little violent jerk in her heart she realizes that there is no hand wrapping her shoulder! That still there is a gap between them. It was she who was imagining things. Or is it? Naina feels a little distraught. She was talking, telling him how she feels and what she expects and waiting for his answer! Or did she really utter those words? Is it that the pebbles she is throwing into the water, they were talking back to her?
“Well, doesn’t matter”, she thinks. “As long as you sit beside me and we keep on translating the silence between us in our own way”. Silence speaks more than words – she remembers the poster suddenly flashing in her mind.
“What is he thinking?” Naina tries to probe into his mind. She steals a glance, daring not to disturb his train of thoughts. There is a faint smile by his lips and eyes give off a sense of things he may be thinking of, that Naina has no clue of knowing. Distant, this is the word that suddenly reflects in her mind and it stabs.
With a gasp, Naina controls herself. Cautious not to let him sense the sigh she let out just now. “He must be thinking of all the fun he keeps having with his colleagues and friends!…” Naina struggles desperately to catch a glimpse of his mind with the little information she has on him. The Facebook pages reveal him; naughty, moody, stylish, funny. She feels good, thinking how lively he looks in those pictures. And she musters some courage to look at him, suddenly seized by an intense urge to touch his lips. But no. She should not.
“You should keep all your past experiences to yourself” she recalls him telling her and it paralyzes her; right to the core. Naina feels drained, left with no ideas to talk forth. She feels scared once again, to look at him, although different reason this time. Awfully shamefaced that she was thinking of sharing all her past experiences as a means to finally let go of the sharp dagger that keeps slicing her till now.
“Selfish I’m; trying to burden him with my darkness.” Naina thinks.
“But then what we have between us? Shouldn’t we know each other behind the curtain to play the drama of life like pro?”
“How would we build the unique chemistry between us if we don’t know certain vital things that have made us the individuals we are today!”
Questions start clamoring; they start to take possession of her heart; they start buzzing like some crazy unstoppable vibration of a mobile phone.
“Ohh! My phone was buzzing!” And her hand automatically reaches, stop the buzz and Naina opens her eyes.